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Monthly Archives: May 2008

Yesterday, I was in the car going back home. I wasn’t the one driving so I was staring outside the window, the trees, the lights, the road itself. We were going fast – the road seemed like a smooth grey surface, like a calm grey liquid. After a while we slowed down, I was still looking at the road – I was amazed to notice that this lengthy grey road consisted of millions of little grey pieces of rock. I could see them one by one – such detail.

Speed blurs – details are easily lost.

We are living our lives fast. Well, of course this doesn’t happen literally – let me explain. When you drive slowly, you set your eyes to look close, you focus just where you will be in the next second. When you drive fast, in a highway, you look far away, you focus in the distance.

Life works in a same way – When you focus on the far future you make life work itself fast. And there is a big downfall to looking in the future: Since you can’t look in two different places at the same time, you only look in the future and since future does not exist, well, I’m sorry to say but you are not living your life.

Forget the future.

Sit down for a while and look clearly at what the future is: Your wishes! The future does not exist and will never exist – It’s pure air. Your only life is present: even if you are 10 or 50 years old, you were and will always be living your present. I shouldn’t be saying all this: It’s common sense to me but I don’t see many people noticing it.

Just live the moment (Oh, how much do I hate cliches).

For one time in your life do something that will have a direct effect in the present. Example? Are you saving all of your money for the future? You are so funny – perhaps you haven’t heard that we only exist in present: Go out and spent some of your money for fun – Yeah, it’s worth it!

How to get rid of the speed-blur effect.

Slow down. A car that drives fast will reach its destination too soon – that’s not exactly good for a human’s life, if you know what I mean. πŸ™‚

Photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/adrian_s/21407986/

(…) Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

C. P. Cavafy – Ithaka

Let me use a personal experience for example.

This year’s January I met a woman. I really fell in love with her immediately. I must also say that I was quite a lucky person: everything went fine in a way that it was scary – I was always in the right place at the right time. Anyway, we came close to each other in a friendly way in a span of three months. One day, when she wasn’t expecting it, I confessed to her: “I’m in love with you”. Needless to say, this changed many things such as the way we talked to each other but still I was seeing no progress at becoming a couple. In May, I could count 5 months since I met her: We had some great moments together, I learned many things, I got to know a great person – but there was no way that we would be a couple. I quite ended this.

It’s the road that matters…

Do you think that I feel bad about things not resulting as I wanted them to? Well, at some moments I felt bad – but now I can only be happy about the road that we walked together with that person. It was a path full of experiences that will make me much wiser in the future. What would be different if we got to be a couple?: Well, we would kiss each other, have sex and then, after some months, break up. You see, the whole interesting part is when you meet someone. I had fun, believe me! πŸ™‚

Reader says to after you wake up author: “Man! You are lying to yourself!”.

Dear reader. I know that I didn’t win this battle. I know that I didn’t experience the other half of the relationship. But, why am I lying to myself? Failing at something may not seem like failing from another point of view.

Let me be a little more intriguing. Imagine that just after writing this post I meet some other great woman that is much greater than the previous one (It actually happened to me the previous days πŸ™‚ ). This time, I know how to act better and achieve my goal: I establish a true erotic relationship. If things went differently for me with the first woman, I would have missed something else that would be better. And who knows where things would lead to?

I know that this could be again seen as lying to myself, but what is “lie” and “truth” when you are talking about possibilities.

The way to Ithaka.

Concentrate on the road itself, that’s the right thing to do. It’s not the destination that will make you wise but the whole pack of experiences that you gain walking towards your finale. The destination is nothing more that the end of a journey and the beginning of a new one.

Don’t feel bad about not always achieving your goals. Trying to achieve something is really providing you with valuable experience.

How to give a new meaning to your everyday life?

Think like a stupid person that lies to himself: That is possibilities!

I will just say one thing: Think of a great moment in your life. Now, we accept that everything that happens at a certain moment in one’s life is the result of every micro-decision and action that he/she made in the past. Now, find some bad moments and situations in the time before the great moment. What does this tell us? Every good thing in your life is the result of both good and bad moments in the past. Every “road of life” is so unique that without all those bad moments you wouldn’t have reached the greatest ones.

What should we learn?

Always focus on the way to YOUR Ithaka and don’t forget that Ithakas change. Also, love all your moments: Good or bad. It’s both that will bring you to your destination.

Cavafy’s Ithaka can be found here: http://www.cavafy.com/poems/content.asp?id=74&cat=1

I’m no new-age supporter nor am I any kind of asian religions supporter. Meditation is a universal human ability, not some kind of a religious ritual.

What is meditation?

Ok, if you really want to learn what meditation is, google it. This is my way of viewing meditation. Meditation is when you are able to clean your mind from everything that does not originate from it. It’s when you are able to know what you really want. When you meditate you can either be calm or at 200 heartbeats: that doesn’t matter – you only have to make your mind clear and achieve happiness.

How – Ways to meditate?

  1. Sit down and relax – It’s the common way of meditating. Sit in a dark room, without distractions and concentrate on your thoughts. Then become a bit distant and see how small you are. Without noticing, you will be meditating.
  2. Take a long walk – Nietzsche used to do this, as well as many great minds. Walking in the nature is the best thing to do when you feel depressed. And as you see the nature around you, as the thoughts keep on going in your mind, you will be meditating.
  3. The simulation – Go take a hot bath. Sit down while the hot water pours on you. Feel the cleanliness of your mind and the great sensation of warmth. Try to remember this. Next time you are among people try to simulate this feeling. You will be relaxed in no time and you also have the rare opportunity to meditate while wearing the imaginary “social mask”. People’s intentions will be much more clear.
  4. Read a book – I have noticed that while reading books I tend to make my own thoughts in parallel with watching the story unfold. It’s probably because you create a distraction-free environment while reading, but it’s also because when you read you are activating your brain’s ability to control images. Thinking in images is a great way to see through your problems and you may find yourself turning the pages while solving your personal knots = meditating.
  5. Dance – Put your favorite song on your PC at set the volume at max. Dance to it. It’s so simple – but you have to be totally free while doing it. Close your eyes and dance – This is meditation. Read Paulo Coelho’s book “The witch of Portobello”. It’s about the dancing meditation.
  6. Sleep – Dreams can be the best aid in many situations: Being able to “lucid dream” is also a great way of meditating. “Lucid Dreaming” is being able to understand that your are asleep while living in your dreams. Is there any better way of meditating than being able to control a whole world to your liking?
  7. Love – May it be your family, your friends or your lover, go hug someone, express your love. Having a meaning in your life can be the best form of meditation: It’s absolute focus.

Of course…

…it won’t be necessary to meditate if you feel really close to yourself to begin with. The best way to feel close to yourself is to always act just like your self commands you to. Be spontaneous, not-afraid and free… Your way of living will then be a constant meditation.

You may become frustrated by someone. Someone might have an opinion different than yours. Someone might react to things differently than you. A common person would try to change him, to talk to him and persuade him that he is wrong. Well, don’t try to change anybody: Better change yourself!

It’s you that has the problem.

Problems are a matter of perception: Something is a problem only when you consider it to be a problem. It a fact that people cannot change easily and even if they change they are the ones to decide. Try to change someone and the only thing that you will achieve is anger and fail :).

We only have power over ourselves.

You can’t change the other, but you can definitely change yourself. Try changing the way that you react to the things that annoy you. Try to be more relaxed in your relationships. Erase the problems by overlooking them: Everything becomes great once again.

Don’t expect anything from anyone!

Why do you have problems with people anyway? That’s because you expect too much from them. You expect all your friends to be perfect at everything, to never do something that would annoy you. Don’t! People don’t tend to follow your personal standards. Enjoy your relationships with original people: Isn’t it more interesting than being able to predict everything. Life is a learning ground anyway.

One more reason why you shouldn’t want to change anyone.

Well, the people that are by your side change from time to time. Someone that is your friend today may no still be tomorrow. So, in the end, why to spend your time and effort to forge a personality that will eventually leave you? There are only a few people in our lives that deserve our full attention and all of them are probably the thing we call “family”. All the others, let them be themselves. They are temporary, be sure of it.

The YOU is a variable. You can affect your close environment, what’s around you. But, the whole everyday life, not to mention the whole universe, has unlimited variables. What does this mean? Statistically, even if you try at your best to do something (I’m talking practical now – about everyday life), your variable is so little against all the things that you can’t take account of that in the end you almost have no power at all.

You can’t go against the flow and be happy.

Did you ever see any piece of wood on the river to be trying to go against the flow? No. It doesn’t have to. The more you try to get a hold of everyday situations, the more unhappy you become: That way, you can’t ever be happy because things will never go your way.

Watch the movie.

Things not going your way doesn’t mean that things will not be great for you. Good things happen unexpectedly. A nice movie is full of surprises. Treat your life like a movie: Sit back and enjoy – You will always know when you have to act.

All the things are tied together. You are the center of the world.

Well, someone could say: “Hey, you egoist! How can you be the center of the world?”. I would not answer to him, because I don’t want to persuade anyone about anything. But, for the purpose of the blog let me say this. People, the only world that you know is the reality that YOU grasp. If it weren’t for your existence no world would be there. Everything exists as long as YOU exist. Disagree? Try to prove me wrong. Did the world exist before you existed? It’s a deep question: Think about it seriously.

Being the center of the world is relaxing?

Yes! It’s not a responsibility – It’s a privilege. Everything else has a responsibility – not you. Anyway, all these things don’t matter. Forget what I said.

Just go with the flow, be careless, be happy. It’s so simple. πŸ™‚

How?

Come on! I said it’s simple. The next time that you feel something like anxiousness, unhappiness or dissatisfaction do the following thing: Take a toilet paper, write the situation that makes you unhappy on it, take a dump and wipe your ass with that piece of paper. You will instantly have a dramatization of the true value of that situation. πŸ™‚

Image from: http://flickr.com/photos/whatknot/60864215/