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Category Archives: Relationships

Like it or not, individuality in our lives is just a subproduct of relationships. For a normal person (and believe me, all of us are normal persons), there is no “personality” unless there is the mirror that we call “other people’s opinions” on which it reflects. In a few words, you only exist when others exist.

Anyway, let’s leave that indroductory generalization and step into the main subject of this post.

Just because “human relationships” are the one and only important thing in our lives (I said, like it or not), I have strong evidence that “love/erotic relationships” are maybe the MOST important thing in our lives. Ok, I may exaggerate a bit, but you can take a look by yourself and see that love relationships have indeed a massive power on our future personalities, in the course of our lives etc. Read More »

Everyday, while watching my life unfold, I notice various things: One is the beginning of all relationships.

I mean, there is a first time for meeting anyone: Your friends, your lovers, even your parents.

It’s definite that people are of utmost importance to each other. You probably can’t live alone, except if your are a god or a beast. You need others to BE something, you need others to WANT something, you need others to HAVE something. Of course, the overhuman is the one that will surpass all of these limitation, but that’s another subject to open.

So, we can say that:

  1. There is always a first-time meeting for everyone.
  2. Other people are the basis of our lives.

But it’s not only the amount of people that matters. People are different from each other: You can name them one by one, each one of them having a different effect in YOUR life. Read More »

Everyday-life situations is what “feeds” us with experiences; That’s what our personality needs to grow up. Definitely every normal day should be full of those, but you can be amazed at how much experience you can gain from “your past” itself.

Let me propose three interesting ways to “squeeze” every experience-goodness from your past life:

1. The photo album

I generally don’t like photographs: They are like worshiping a mere moment of life, they are many times very “set up” and they can also make you feel bad (especially if you are old). But photographs have an amazing power to dig the deepest memories in your mind. You can be shocked at how many things you have forgotten over the last years, just by taking a look at a photo album.

How do we gain experience from that? By looking at yourself in a picture you look someone with different thoughts than you, someone that would react differently to many things. You can compare you to that person (your past self) and see where you have improved and where you should have. You can look at yourself from a third-person point of view and probably out of an emotionally-charged state: Mistake back then? – Mistake if you repeat it again.

Check out also the people around you in the photos. Remember what they said back then? Did they stand up to their words? Did they behave badly? Do you recognise any signs of bad behavior in your photos? Don’t forget the behavioral patterns of others and you won’t be late to react for a second time.

2. Your diaries/poems/personal notes.

These three things are possibly the most emotional remnants of your past. Read a love poem that you wrote one year ago. Remember when you were crying back then about a woman? Now, does she worth anything in your life? Probably not: Learn that emotions are quite temporary. Also learn that many times our intense feelings tend to “blind” our valuable logic. Generally, compare your “emotional-blinded” self with your present one. Gain experience and act better in the future.

3. The discussions

Grab a person that was close to you in the past and take him/her out for a coffee. Should it be your ex-girlfriend, your ex-boyfriend or a friend that isn’t anymore, it doesn’t matter. Sit in a table and talk about your common experiences in the past. Ask him about how he perceived things back then from his/her point of view: Compare that with your own thought of back then. Do you see how many times we may not understand what people are thinking? If this doesn’t fill you with everyday-applicable experience, then you probably are deaf and blind: Consult a doctor. 🙂

A wise man does not make the same mistake for a second time“. That’s what people say; I agree. Learn from your past and act accordingly in the present. But always have in mind that what’s “good” for someone may not also be “good” for you. You may judge things only in perspective with YOUR ideals: Dogmas and “unproven truths” aren’t “good” for smart people. 😉

Problems in human relationships. You have a friend and he acts strangely, in a way you don’t like: The common/wrong reaction would be either to confront him and tell him your problem or to even talk about him to others without his knowledge and thus create an even more bad environment – plus you show your bad side to everyone. If you can talk bad about someone, you can do it about the people that listen in the given time, they know that.

The problem is always YOURS!

If a comet falls down on you, or if a car hits you, well, it probably isn’t much your fault, you can’t change much 😀 , but in human relationships it is always your fault. When there is a problem with someone then you don’t have to change to other: You can’t change him, you don’t have any right to do so. Change yourself! Change the relationship itself: Relationships are lines that connect people: You can cut them anytime.

Get out of the “it should last forever” delusion…

People are always afraid to end a relationship. I tell you, many times the ending of a relationship can be so much more an improvement for your life than the beginning of one. Relationships aren’t meant to last forever. When a relationship is bad, break it!: If you shouldn’t have done so, it will fix itself in the future.

Prevention is the best measure, always.

Well, if you are smart enough you can probably stay away of many unpleasant relationships with people. Just try to hold a simple distance from the people that you first meet: Do a “test drive” on their minds and quality. If they pass the test and you know that they are fine people then try to get them close and establish a friendship. Generally, avoid people that smell “bad behavior” from miles away.

Less is more.

This is a golden rule that applies everywhere, but on this subject: Don’t have close relationships with many people, it’s hard to manage. Have the fewest friends possible. Try to keep the greatest of your environment by you and all the mediocre a little bit away. Still, have an “emergency escape” ready: You really never know…

You have probably watched a soap-opera at least once in your life. It’s those tv-series that include one or two families, the members of which engage in all sorts of drama: from marrying and divorcing each other, to getting in jail etc..

We bring soap-opera in our lives.

A persons mind always needs to have something to care for: that’s its function. At the same time, most people’s lives can be considered boring. That’s why instinctively we try to create situations that could fit in a soap-opera script. We tend to complicate the simplest of things, just to spice up a tasteless life.

I consider it masochism.

Think about an ordinary teenage couple. The teenage example is better because it’s the part of our lives where we need the most of the spicing-up. So, it’s common that one of the two falls in love with someone else. A nice and simple way to deal with this would be to just admit it to the other and leave the current erotic relationship. But no, that never happens. Instead, he/she would keep the double relationship, while crying at night for having no option and would use words of epic proportions of pain to describe the situation.

Things are always quite simple. We make them difficult.

Between two friends, there could be a situation where the one does something that the other does not approve. The simple and nice way to deal with this would be to not deal with it in the first place. Instead, the “soap-opera” way would be for the friend to behave like he was betrayed and then speak about the ideals of friendship and about what he has done in the past about the other. And then he could perplex things even more by doing himself more things that promote “soap-opera” reactions.

“Soap-opera” is not bad.

No, it’s interesting! But you must always understand that you play a role. Never take these situations seriously. Next time that you get yourself into a situation that seems complicated, take a look of it from a third-person view (press F11 to change the camera :p ) and try to find signs that you cause it yourself. If you manage to set the boundaries between “soap-opera” and real life drama, you could spice up your life and at the same time never be unhappy.

The golden rule.

Do you feel unhappy for some reason? Do you feel that you engage in some complicated situation? Stay a bit back and smile. Nothing can be more serious than your happiness.