The “first-step only” rule.

People are egoistic in a way that they come to believe that they can arrange future. They schedule without any disbelief over their predictions. They dream and put their feelings on a calendar. People are stupid; You can’t schedule anything.

You are too small.

And the world is too big. It’s just a matter of variables: You are one variable and your environment is infinite variables. Even if you really have control over your actions – which you don’t -, even then how can you control everything else? Our mind is not made to create a future: Just sit back and enjoy the ride…

…or become angry and dissapointed.

Where do people usually make the mistake of thinking too deep in the future?

• A romantic relationship: You make dreams for years in the future, for marriage and kids but you can’t predict the wonderful person that will show up tommorow and “steal your heart”.
• A friendly relationship: You become so much used to a person’s company that you arrange a future based partially on his/her influence. But you can’t predict that you will be bored of him tomorrow/or that he will die in a car crash.
• A day’s planning: You say that you will go for dinner at night, but you can’t predict that terrible headache that will make you stay at home

Do you get the point? You never had any control over your life: We are spectators and commentators, maybe even actors, but definitely not directors of our life.

Why is it always YOUR fault? I mean, it really is!

Problems in human relationships. You have a friend and he acts strangely, in a way you don’t like: The common/wrong reaction would be either to confront him and tell him your problem or to even talk about him to others without his knowledge and thus create an even more bad environment – plus you show your bad side to everyone. If you can talk bad about someone, you can do it about the people that listen in the given time, they know that.

The problem is always YOURS!

If a comet falls down on you, or if a car hits you, well, it probably isn’t much your fault, you can’t change much 😀 , but in human relationships it is always your fault. When there is a problem with someone then you don’t have to change to other: You can’t change him, you don’t have any right to do so. Change yourself! Change the relationship itself: Relationships are lines that connect people: You can cut them anytime.

Get out of the “it should last forever” delusion…

People are always afraid to end a relationship. I tell you, many times the ending of a relationship can be so much more an improvement for your life than the beginning of one. Relationships aren’t meant to last forever. When a relationship is bad, break it!: If you shouldn’t have done so, it will fix itself in the future.

Prevention is the best measure, always.

Well, if you are smart enough you can probably stay away of many unpleasant relationships with people. Just try to hold a simple distance from the people that you first meet: Do a “test drive” on their minds and quality. If they pass the test and you know that they are fine people then try to get them close and establish a friendship. Generally, avoid people that smell “bad behavior” from miles away.

Less is more.

This is a golden rule that applies everywhere, but on this subject: Don’t have close relationships with many people, it’s hard to manage. Have the fewest friends possible. Try to keep the greatest of your environment by you and all the mediocre a little bit away. Still, have an “emergency escape” ready: You really never know…

Your best weapon: Laconism (Directly from Sparta)!

(Spartans) they conceal their wisdom, and pretend to be blockheads, so that they may seem to be superior only because of their prowess in battle … This is how you may know that I am speaking the truth and that the Spartans are the best educated in philosophy and speaking: if you talk to any ordinary Spartan, he seems to be stupid, but eventually, like some expert marksman, he shoots in some brief remark that proves you to be only a child.

Socrates

In ancient Greece, Spartans, unlike Athenians, used to speak with a few words and only when it was needed to speak. Athenians, were talking just too much: they invented (Socrates did) the “dialectic“.

Where are you from?

The Athenian way of talking (talking too much) is what a politician should follow. Trying to persuade, using various means of approach, telling lies, generally isn’t how I like to act. I don’t like politicians: that’s for sure!

The Spartans choose to say what they want to say in a single phrase. Not too many words. Now, what is the benefit of this behavior? Spartans were war-machines, as you probably know. And that causes every aspect of their life to be influenced by their war tactics: Not many words = Not many opportunities for someone to find a gap in their “verbal fortress”. It’s an absolute defense on words. And also, they may let their opponent underestimate their intelligence: That gives them a great opportunity to strike where they weren’t expected to.

Now, us!

How many time did you find yourself in a difficult situation just because you said more that you should have? Me, many!

How many times did you find yourself disrespected just because you talked a lot and then the others thought that you were asking for their attention? Lots!

Talking only when it’s needed to, not only helps you avoid many mistakes, but also makes your image a lot more mysterious and respected.

Anyway…

Don’t be snob or boring: These are different things. Definitely talk with everyone, just try to not to talk just for the talking. Many times, being silent says more than talking.